Grosbeak

-27C this morning. Bitter cold but sunny. While rushing around getting ready to leave for work, I spotted this magnificent fellow at the bird feeder munching on sunflower seeds. I had to stop for a moment and admire him, so puffed up, his striking red feathers showcased against the clear, cold sky. Could I manage to sneak a picture, move the lace curtains without startling him? This is my attempt at catching that moment. A moment of "breathing in" - caught between morning silence and mindless busyness. * o

Grosbeak

Some good news on the writing front

I received word this weekend that my poem, Spring Frost, will be published in the True Words section of the Story Circle Journal March issue.

The journal is published by the Story Circle Network, a website for "women with stories to tell". Lots of helpful resources available there for women writers. * o

Some good news on the writing front

Hangin' Out - Sunday Morning

Charlie and Salem. Don't be fooled by kitty's rather relaxed appearance - it's an ideal spot to rule the couch and keep the slobbering dog on his toes. * o

Hangin' Out - Sunday Morning

Creative Call - Week 6 - Breathing Out

Creative is a journey, and I believe a partnership with our creator.

This week's chapter focused on becoming servants to the work. Learning to recognize our artist work as being both worth our time and our efforts. Learning to "show up to the work" and roll up our sleeves and do it.

And learning that as we start attending to the work, a thousand interruptions will show up to block our way. The kids need something, there is a meeting to go to, housework to be done, the list seems endless.

Earlier this week, I wrote that maybe the secret to happiness was discovering God's hand in the myriad interruptions of our lives. Now I think that the real secret is knowing which interruptions are God's and which ones are trying to keep us from our nurturing, creative relationship with God.

I'm frustrated this week because it seems that the more I try to "give up" so that I have time to create, the more seems to come my way in requests for my time and talents. I don't really want more to do, but in saying no, would I be missing a direction God wants to use me in? How do people sift through this stuff?

So as I muddle through this, Janice Elsheimer on page 101 of Creative Call reminds me: "God is in control, and every time you hear the critic telling you that you are wasting your time or being self-centered, you need to turn that message over to the Lord in prayer and rebuke the critic in the name of Jesus. You are fighting for your creative life here, and God is on your side."

A bit dramatic perhaps, but I know how angry and resentful I get when I don't nurture that creative side and God certainly doesn't need an angry and resentful servant. * o

Creative Call - Week 6 - Breathing Out

Life Interruped

Came across this quote today:

My whole life I have been complaining that my work was constantly interrupted, until I discovered the interruptions were my work. - Henri Nouwen

Could this be the secret to being satisfied with where you are at the moment? Recognizing God's hand in the myriad interruptions that make up our lives. Going with the flow. Paying attention and creating - in the moment. Simple serendipity. * o

Life Interruped

Creative Call - Week 5 - Just Breathe

"What you focus on expands" - pg 85, Creative Call

I found it ironic that this week's chapter focused on taking time to nurture your creative spirit. It's been a hell of a hectic week -busy, stressful and not a lot of time for "nurture". The more I read about it, the less of it I did!

A couple of discoveries while working through the exercises this week:

- I don't spend enough time with things that inspire me.
- What inspires me - nature, poetry, good music, good worship, artwork - is special because it opens up the heart somehow. I "feel" it - it's more emotion than intellect or knowledge. Example: singing at the top of my lungs to especially good lyrics opens a channel for the creative energy to flow. It makes me step outside myself and allow something deeper to move in and through me.

In my case, that "something deeper" is the Holy Spirit. On page 76 of the Creative Call, this sentence caught and held me for awhile: "When we welcome the Holy Spirit into our lives, we are changed, and our art manifests that change."

I've played with writing on and off for years, and journaled about writing for years, but its only been in the last few years that this writing thing has actually blossomed and begun to take off. This has been alongside a spiritual growth and renewal in my life. Christianity has become very real and meaningful to me, and through welcoming the Holy Spirit into my life, I've seen changes in my artistic expression manifest themselves. Things are different now because of this partnership, this awareness of co-creation.

Prayer to the Holy Spirit

Come Holy Spirit and fill my heart, my soul and my mind. Fill me with your love and enlightenment. Fill me with courage to pick up my pen and allow the words to flow. I give myself as your servant, a channel through which your love and wisdom can flow. May my words always be to your glory. Amen.
* o

Creative Call - Week 5 - Just Breathe

Creative Call - Week 4 - Forgiveness

encourage: to inspire with courage or confidence, to stimulate as by approval, to promote, foster.

This week's journey through Creative Call has focused on forgiveness. Forgiving those who discouraged our dreams, forgiving ourselves for not being able to achieve what we once dreamt we would. Part of the exercise was to list those who discouraged our dreams. I really couldn't come up with a very long list. Sure, I had a couple of teachers along the way who were negative and reveled in humiliation and criticism, and yes, I occasionally got teased and laughed at by classmates, but I don't recall being specifically told I could not do something. I am recognizing that my biggest "discourager" was me. Me and Fear. Fear of trying, fear of failing, fear of being laughed at. Just plain fear.

Here's what I wrote in my daybook:

"As a child I dreamed I could write, act, and sing. I could express myself without fear. As I grew I became self-conscious, afraid to express myself, afraid of criticism and not being liked. I hid myself in safe outlets - a safe job that I could do well - because I was afraid to try, afraid to fail. Now I realize, creativity does not mean I must become the next best-selling author, but, rather I must dance with God in freedom and joy and release that joy in the ink on the page. Not for the world to judge but a love letter, a soul's journey, a prayer."

I am also looking at what areas in my life am I being an encourager to someone else. Do my words lift up or tear down? Have I discouraged someone in their dream? It's been a tough week, as I've watched myself stick my foot in my mouth several times and have regretted speaking words that were not encouraging at all.

A Prayer of Contrition

Father, I am sorry that I have let dreams die, not trusting that you would provide all that I needed - the spark, the words, the means to express myself. I'm sorry I thought I had to do it all on my own and forgot that it was a partnership between you and I. I resolve to seek your vision for my life and do my part to achieve that vision. I resolve also to encourage others around me, to use the words you give me to lift others up and to be on guard in areas where I might be tempted to tear them down. Amen. * o

Creative Call - Week 4 - Forgiveness

Like Wine for Chocolate

I occasionally like a glass of wine with a meal, but am by no means a connoisseur of fine wines, so every trip to the LCBO to purchase wine is an adventure.

I could spend literally hours just reading the wine labels. Not just because I can't remember if it's "white meat - white wine" or what goes with moose burger, but they are so poetic and, well, exotic. I can't decide between the one that promises "earthy tones with soft ripe sweetness" or the one that says it's "soft and velvety with cocoa-dusted berry flavours" made "exclusively for me". Are these wine labels or ads for E-harmony?

And, if seducing me isn't enough, they also make me hungry. There's the wine that I should "savour alongside wine-braised chicken with tomatoes and green olives" or the slightly less adventurous one that is perfect with "grilled meats, spicy salami pizza or lasagna". I am however, staying away from the one that claims to be a combination of "red cherry, anise, leather and tobacco" (leather and tobacco???) Forget the romantic name, they might just as well have labeled it "Grandma's Purse".

After being wooed by several suitors (err..wine labels), I chose an Australian Shiraz. I was won over by the image of "sweeping alluvial plains, rich sun-drenched vineyards and leaping kangaroos" as well as its promise of "berry and vanilla oak aromas." Anything to escape the mid-February blahs!

Oh, and the back page of the winter "Food and Drink" magazine claims that chocolate is the "new wine - intense, fragrant and complex." Mmmm, can you say decadent? Pretty soon the wine label writers will be writing up the instant hot chocolate labels and I'll be spending hours in the grocery store aisle trying to decide between "dark and devilish, with just a hint of mint" or "light and creamy with a fragrant bouquet of cocoa bean and vanilla". * o

Like Wine for Chocolate

13 going on 30

My baby is 13 today. I now officially live in house of two teenage boys. I'm an estrogen speck swimming in a sea of testosterone, desperately trying to stay afloat!

As I was bestowing birthday blessings on my fine young son this morning, his baby blue eyes peeked out from amid a mass of curly-gone-wild blonde bangs and he informed me that since he was now thirteen, we could no longer tease him about "PG-13" movies. Holding his face between my hands, I said "you're my PG-13". A frown creased his brow, and he quickly retorted he wasn't "PG". "You might be thirteen", I kissed the top of his head, "but you still need parental guidance". * o

13 going on 30

A Prayer for My Artist Self

Lord,
Help me to understand my creative self as a gift from you. Help me to find the time and discipline to practice my writing, to draw from your inspiration and not to lean on my own. Give me the courage to put my writing out there, for your Glory. Give me strength to face rejection and perserverance to keep on going. Creativity is joy, help me work in that joy. Amen. * o

A Prayer for My Artist Self

Creative Call - Week 3 - The Cat

"In the morning O Lord you hear my voice, in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." Psalm 5:3

I am three weeks into a creative writing study from the book, The Creative Call by Janice Elsheimer. The book is similar to Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way, but the spiritual focus of the exercises is Christian. Like The Artist's Way, the book calls for morning writing. Twenty minutes of writing in your "artist's daybook", first thing in the morning. I tried The Artist's Way years ago, but could never get past the morning pages. Of course, almost every book on writing promotes morning writing, and almost every book on prayer and bible study promotes spending time first thing upon rising in prayer.

I'm not a morning person, but I was determined to take a good stab at this so I took a hard look at my morning routine and how I could rearrange it. See, it's not so much the getting up in the morning to write that I balk at, it's trying to fit that in when I also have to go to work. With a little adjusting to my routine, I've found I only have to get up about 10 mins earlier than I was and I can fit the 20 minutes of writing in. I'm enjoying the quiet time, with morning cup of tea, pouring myself onto paper. It's not quality writing - it alternates from journaling, to prayer, to recording dreams of the previous evening, to dumping out anxieties - but quality writing is not the point of morning pages. Spending time with God, expressed through writing is. The twenty minutes fly by all too quickly.

The first week of writing, much to my chagrin, the entire household seemed to decide to get up earlier as well and I found myself with more company while trying to write. I'm protective of my alone time, so I was a bit resentful of these interruptions and a bit exasperated (how am I going to write if I can't get time to myself?) but thankfully they seemed to have settled back to their usual routine and I once again have quiet.

I am though, only in to week three. And the Lord knows me all too well. It is all too tempting, especially as I near the end of the week, to stay in bed an extra few minutes. Exhaustion always creeps up to me by Friday, so what starts out well on Monday usually falls apart by weeks end. To combat this, the Lord seems to have found a willing ally and partner in none other than my cat. At precisely six each morning, the cat begins to meow and scratch the rug, and meow some more, and jump on the bed and stare into my face, and disturb the dog so that he starts whining until I have no choice but to get up, feed him and let the dog out. Now I know the cat is but a creature of habit and routine, and just expects to be fed at the same time each morning and since I started this three weeks ago, he expects me to keep it up. However, I can't help but imagine God, knowing I'm tempted to keep sleeping, whispering into the cat's ear, "It's time. Wake her up. Do whatever you need to, but keep it up until she gets out of bed." I imagine He's smiling each morning, as I groan and stumble out of bed and downstairs to meet him between the pages of my artist's daybook.

In the morning O Lord you hear my voice. Sometimes that voice is grumpy, sometimes exhausted, sometimes excited to share my dreams with you but always the voice is confident that you are listening. * o

Creative Call - Week 3 - The Cat

Embracing Serafina

It's snowing out again, and the wind is howling. But I am warm and cozy and lately have been travelling through Europe.

How so? I've been immersed in a 603 page tome, "Embracing Serafina" by Penny Petrone. It's part memoir, part journey of self-discovery. And a great travelogue of Petrone's adventures.

I, who can find a dozen reasons to not even venture to the city in winter, am in awe of this woman's sense of courage and adventure. She often travelled alone, not something done by most women in the late 1950's.

Last summer I was signed up to take a memoir writing workshop taught by Dr. Penny Petrone. It was evident from the promo material that she was a well known author and teacher in the area. I was, as is common for me, oblivous to this fact and signed up for the workshop because it looked promising.

A few days before the workshop, Penny passed away. Her funeral was the day of the workshop. The class was taught by another excellent writer, and friend of Penny's, but it was evident from the memories and stories shared about her that day that she had indeed been an awesome woman. I found myself wistfully wishing I'd had the chance to meet her.

"Embracing Serafina" was given as a gift to those of us attending the workshop in honor of Penny's memory. This gift has been my opportunity to discover the woman who wrote it. To travel, to journey, to dream, to vicariously share her adventure. Her vivacious eyes sparkle from the photos within the pages. She must have indeed been a fascinating woman.

Fate may have cheated me the opportunity to meet her, but I am ever so grateful for writers who leave pieces of their soul forever bound in black ink between the pages of a book.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Penny and I are off to Egypt. * o

Embracing Serafina

Writing Contest

My friend Georgia Richardson (aka Queen JawJaw) has a new writing contest going on over at her website, here's the details:

St. Valentine’s Day Writing Contest

Give us your tired, your poor, your best St. Valentine’s Day Funny, Weird, Spooky, or Crazy story (No tear-jerkers, please!)

Visit my homepage at www.queenjawjaw.com for the rules, guidelines, AND a list of prizes.

Remember, you MUST BE SIGNED UP on my homepage (sign up at the ALL THINGS ROYAL button on the front page or the CONTACTS page) to be eligible to enter.

Good Luck, and may the best brib---ahh...I mean story win!

Somehow, I don't think she's looking for sweet and syrupy, do you?? * o

Writing Contest

Discovering Rachmaninov

A few years ago someone commented to me that Rachmaninov was their favorite composer. I buried that comment in my subconscious until recently when I came across a CD of his Piano Concerto No. 2 and 3 and decided to buy it.

I thought I'd never heard his music before, but it was about halfway through Piano Concerto No. 2 that it became hauntingly familiar. I started humming to the music and then I recognized it and out came the words "when I was young, I never needed anyone, and makin' love was just for fun, those days are gone"....yup, it was "All by Myself" by Eric Carmen. As a teenager, I wore that eight-track out (I know, dating myself here - eight-track???). I loved that song. The words were sappy but the melody stuck. There was a piano solo in there that was my favorite part. Little did I know, I was loving Rachmaninov back then.

Of course, the original concerto is so much better and richer. I can't play piano, but if I could I would want to play this. I could get lost in it's sweet melancholy erupting into passionate chords for hours.

Now, if I could just Eric Carmen's voice out of my head! * o

Discovering Rachmaninov

Cats Do it Better

I love cats, I confess (sorry, Trixie). Which is why I'm thrilled that this month's free book giveaway at Pink Jasper, is a copy of "Cats Do it Better Than People", an anthology compiled by Theresa Mancuso. Cat's do what better, you ask? You'll have to check out the book for the answer to that!

Entering the draw is easy - send an email to pinkjasper@mac.com, and put "Contest Entry" in the subject line. Presto - you're entered! Along with a copy of the book, you can win some delightful souvenirs from Yorkshire, England courtesy of my friend and fellow writer, Jackie Brooks.

Mention my tabby cat, Salem, in your email and you'll get two entries in the draw - doubling your chances to win!

Meow and good luck!

(Shameless plug - while you are checking out the contest details at the Pink Jasper website, why not check out our book "Pink Jasper - Gems from the Journey"? Stories of faith, hope, love, grief and healing - there's something in this book everyone can relate to) * o

Cats Do it Better

Year in Review - Journal Entries - Part 2

..more gleanings from the journal...sort of like mini-blogs I never got around to posting..

August 4/05
Cool and rainy this morning. Scripture verse from this morning's reading: "my grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness". Problems don't go away but God gives us the grace to deal with any situation. I feel I need this verse to help me sort out the direction I want to go in my spiritual journey and to give me strength to stay the course.

August 15/05
Had a weird dream last night about an empty house that no one wanted to go in because there was a cougar in it. I walked in and picked up the cougar and was holding it in my arms. I knew it wasn't wild and had actually been raised in captivity.

August 27/05
I'm sitting in Gargoyle's restaurant at the moment having just completed the first workshop of the writers conference - the journaling workshop. It was great. Surprisingly, I enjoyed the writing exercises and the experience of reading some of my writing aloud. It was easier to do then I thought and very freeing.

September 4/05
I often find myself fighting jealousy when I see someone else published or saying they write. I think sometimes that comes from a lack of self-confidence. I feel my writing is inferior or I'm never going to write anything good. I'm finding I work best through my envy by becoming more supportive of a fellow writer - buy their book, encourage and promote, share info. I'm realizing we all have our own stories, talents and gifts and we need to encourage each other, especially in a small town.

October 10/05
A beautiful Monday morning - sunny, clear blue skies, cool, but the perfect fall day. I'm just having my second cup of tea before starting my routine and tidying things up before the boys get home.

October 23/05
In the videotaped sermon at church today, the Episcopal Bishop whose name I can't remember said that we come to church to give ourselves as an offering at the altar and this pleases God. We don't come to church for what we get out of it but to have relationship with God and offer ourselves to Him. And God, who has everything He needs, is pleased by this.

November 13/05
It's dark, wet, windy and rainy this morning. John and the boys are in Stratton this weekend and supposed to be coming home today. There is a winter storm warning out, and the rain here is supposed to turn to snow, so I am filled with worry today as I pray they will arrive safely home. I barely slept last night, listening to the wind and rain. Charlie has called me each night.

November 24/05
An extremely windy, blustery crappy day today. TJ's bus was stuck behind transports that were lined up on the highway because of the closure. Charlie's had a cold all week and we've been getting up every night to steam. I'm so exhausted.

November 27/05
Friday afternoon I left work early and went to the church and did my Altar Guild. I like when I'm alone in the church and I always hope when I'm there that no one will come in so I can just have the time alone. I usually go there a little harassed and resentful, but I always leave feeling peaceful. It's like I work out all my anxieties in the polishing of the brass.

December 02/05
What a week. I've had a wicked cold. Tuesday afternoon I was sneezing so much I didn't know if I would make it through the "Author" night. Fortunately the sneezing held off during that time. I was so nervous and just feeling so inferior but I think it went well. In the van on the way there I told Charlie how nervous I was and hoped that not too many would be there, and he said "I'm there Mom" and he leaned over, patted my arm and said "and you know, Jesus will be there".

Dec 21/05
In light of everything, 2006 does not look promising and yet I feel God is asking me, "do you trust me?" Woke up the other night with this phrase going over and over in my head - "Mary said Yes, would you?" Truth is, I doubt I would have, I doubt my faith is that strong and I know that God is convicting me of that. Thankfully he is also a God of grace who will allow me to grow in that faith, to develop that strength should I choose that path. * o

Year in Review - Journal Entries - Part 2

Year in Review - Journal Entries - Part 1

Here are some gleanings of the year from my journals.

Jan 2/05
TJ, after I quipped to him "Man does not live by bread alone but by every word of God", replied "God's Word is like Chinese food, you need more of it in an hour".

Jan 23/05
My baby, first born is 16 today - wow!

Feb 15/05
Prayer vigil tonight. My scripture verse was: "God is spirit, and his worshippers must worship in spirit and in truth." John 4:24. While praying this image popped into my head - a raging torrent of water, a river flowing right through the middle of the church starting from the altar and going right out the door.

Feb 27/05
As I sit and write and reflect tonight I have Puccini's operas on the CD. Across the hall from me TJ is practicing guitar trying to master a ZZ Top piece and down the hall, Charlie has Hillary Duff blasting on his CD.

June 3/05
In my devotion this morning I read "the purpose of brokenness is to bring us to the point where we can say to God "Not only do I need You, but You are all I need", generally it is some area of pride in life that needs to be broken. I have felt spiritually broken lately but have I leaned on God enough? trusted Him?

July 13/05
Need I even mention it's hot again today? You can smell the heat in the air. 20th anniversary today. At supper there was a beautiful bouquet of carnations from John as well as a lovely silver Italian charm bracelet with our birthstones as charms, and my name engraved on it was well as "July 13 - 1985-2005". I have the sweetest hubby.

July 16/05
Reading "Queen Power" last night, struck by the comments on being an "authentic" Queen. An authentic Queen is truthful - no lies, no gossip, no judging, no "excuses". She also knows her talents and is a good steward of them. I am struck by how often I am not authentic, especially in relationships.

More "Year in Review" tomorrow! * o

Year in Review - Journal Entries - Part 1

Year in Review - Books

I keep a list of the books I read throughout the year. Not sure why, other than as I get older I have trouble remembering what I did yesterday let alone all year! The book list is fun to review and ponder - I thought it might be interesting to post it here, especially if you are the type of person that is curious about what other people read. So, here's what caught my interest in 2005:

The DaVinci Code - Fact or Fiction? Hank Hanegraaff and Paul Maier
This Present Darkness - Frank Peretti
The Shy Writer - C. Hope Clark
Travels with My Lovers - Erica Miner
The Haunted Bookshop - Christoper Morley
The Habit of Hope in a Changing and Uncertain World - Bishop William Hockin
Myself When Young - Daphne DuMaurier
The China Conspiracy - p.m.terrell
It's Time to End Church Splits - Francis Frangipane
Hana's Suitcase - Karen Levine
Whence Came a Prince - Liz Curtis Higgs
Unveiling Mary Magdalene - Liz Curtis Higgs
Ear of the Wolf - James Demers
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Throne - Georgia Richardson
Grab the Queen Power - Allyn Evans
Our Father Who Art in a Tree - Judy Pascoe
The Trouble with Tulip - Mindy Starns Clark
Eagle Born to Fly - Sharon Matthies
Circus at the Edge of the Earth - Charlie Wilkins
This is the Place - Carolyn Howard Johnson
Defying Gravity - A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - Prill Boyle
In Search of...The Real Spirit of Christmas - Dan Schaeffer

hmmm...I think there are just as many books on this list, as there are sitting in my "book basket" waiting to be read! * o

Year in Review - Books

Hogmanay 2005

A salute to my Scottish roots!

From "Hogmanay.net":

What is the symbolism of fire at Hogmanay?
The flame and fire at Hogmanay symbolises many things. The bringing of the light of knowledge from one year to the next, lighting the way into the next uncharted century, putting behind you the darkness past, but carrying forward its sacred flame of hope and enlightenment to a better parish, and in this day, world.

Our New Year's Eve bonfire, pictured above. It was a beautiful evening - warm and snowy. Children and adults alike slid down the hill behind our house, or warmed up around the bonfire. The New Year was rung in with the melodic tones of a cell phone, and afterwards celebrated with a few fireworks. We said goodbye to the "old" with the burning of our Christmas tree (in hindsight, not the best idea unless you like greeting the new year with a smudge). In the flames, in our wishes, we carried forward the hope that 2006 will be a good year.

* o

Hogmanay 2005

Prayers for 2006

A good friend gave me the prayer box shown here for Christmas. You are supposed to fill the little box with your prayers. The top is inscribed "Faith is the substance of things hoped for..." (Heb. 11:1). I have a feeling the prayer box will not take long to fill.

Some years go by without much of a blip on the screen. Things run smoothly and nothing much changes. Other years, the changes come fast and furious leaving you feeling like you've ridden a monster roller-coaster. If early premonitions turn out to be correct, this is going to be one of those years. At least, I believe we are in for a lot of ups and downs.

I don't "do" new year resolutions. Mostly because I know I won't stick to them. Instead this year I'm starting a tradition of new year prayers. I want to list the things that I'm praying for this year, so here they are:

Lord I pray for courage to handle all the changes that will come my way this year. I pray for my trust in you to deepen, and conviction that you are working all things out for the good of those who place their faith in you.

I pray for compassion and wisdom for friends who are hurting. Help me to be a loving, listening friend. Guard my tongue from judgement and gossip. Help me to forgive those I need to forgive and grant me kindness.

I pray for health and the commitment to look after myself - to eat better and take better care of my body. I pray for the healing of loved ones, and for spiritual healing.

I pray for my children - that they will stay healthy, that they will have a good year in school, that they will continue to grow to be compassionate and caring individuals.

I pray for my marriage - that it will continue to be blessed and we will remain strong in our partnership, caring for each other and our children.

I pray for my writing - that I will use my gifts for you, that I will nurture the creative spirit.

I pray for quiet times spent with you. I long to deepen our relationship - help me to fuel the desire to put you first.

And lastly, I pray that I will return to these prayers throughout the year as I weather all that life throws my way. I pray I won't forget what I've asked for this year, and that I will recognize you in the daily workings of my life.

Amen. * o

Prayers for 2006