Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone

I participated in another "author night" at the library tonight. This really takes some effort for me to read my poetry in front of an audience.

It's one thing to write it, and send it off somewhere and if you're lucky it gets published on some website or in some magazine. And a bunch of anonymous faces read it, and sometimes you get comments back on whether or not they enjoyed it.

But to sit in front of a live audience and read.....scary. I fight to keep my voice steady, to try and read it in something other than "monotone" - don't rush through, steady, look up once in a while, smile, breathe - just breathe.

Fortunately it's a kind audience. They don't throw tomatoes. They listen, nod and make appreciative comments.

I'm out of my comfort zone, and I'm not drowning. Good. Now, just breathe. * o

Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone

Broken Hallelujahs

........."its a cold, and it's a broken hallelujah......."**


Altar Guild duty tonight. Alone in the the church, preparing the sanctuary for Sunday service. The chalice and communion vessels are horribly tarnished, possibly because we have not been having regular communion. I wonder if that's a metaphor for the state of my soul right now - tarnished from lack of use. I can rub and polish the chalice until it is shiny bright again, but Lord who is polishing me?

"My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me continually, "Where is your God?" (Psalm 42)

As I leave the church, I pause for a moment in front of the "Healing Touch" painting. I want to draw strength from it, to get answers - but paintings don't talk and I still feel numb, the spiritual void closing in on me. How long will this continue? When will I feel peace here again?

"Why are you cast down, o my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." (Psalm 42)

These are desert days - long and dry. Somewhere out there is an oasis.

**from "Hallelujah" - words and music by Leonard Cohen. kd lang does an excellent cover of it.
* o

Broken Hallelujahs

RHODA-dendron

Aww, dear Rhoda Rhodendron

this picture does not do justice to
your brilliant purple blooms
the sight of them cheers me so
my favorite flower of spring
so sweet, and so short-lived
would that you could spend
all summer with me.

When I grow old
I shall deck myself out
in brilliant purple
like my dear Rhoda-dendron. * o

RHODA-dendron

Froggy went a croakin'

We will now pause for a moment of silence, for the wood frog that we found floating in the pond this evening. He wasn't "relaxing" - he was definitely not alive anymore. I would rather not have found him at all. There is something not quite right about finding a dead, real frog floating beside a plastic, fake lily pad.... * o

Froggy went a croakin'

I Love Lighthouses

Ok - not the best picture, but behind the leaves of this russian almond is my new solar lighthouse, my gift from the boys for Mother's Day. I can't wait until it gets dark!

I've had a pretty good weekend. Number One son cooked supper last night - a delicious pasta casserole of his own creation. Number Two son made breakfast this morning and served it to me on a tray. He gave me this adorable accordion-folded card he made himself complete with pictures of him as a baby. Sometimes, its pretty good being the "princess in the house of boys".

The sun came out this afternoon, and I puttered around the yard and soaked up its warmth. The peonies and bleeding hearts are coming out, the tulips are poking out of the ground, the birds are singing - all seems right with the world today. * o

I Love Lighthouses

The Journal Muse

She who dreams and creates.

When I started working on the first assignment of the art journal course, this wild, red-haired muse appeared on the page.

She's not me - but she is all that I dream of in writing and creating.

I'm curious to see how often she appears. * o

The Journal Muse

Rain, Rain - Go Away!

It is cold, and wet, and rainy. It has been cold, and wet, and rainy for days and the forecast says it will be cold, and wet, and rainy for a few more days. I hate it. I'm dreaming of sunshine.

On a more happy note today the flyer for the Sleeping Giant Writer's Festival arrived in the mail and I was thrilled to learn that Arthur Black is going to be there this year! I still have my copy of "Basic Black" autographed by Arthur at a "book signing" held in our local Hudson's Bay store waaaay back in 1982. It was the first signed book I ever received and the first time I met a real, live "writer".

I'm thinking I might just bring that book with me this year, and see if I can't get it signed again. * o

Rain, Rain - Go Away!

How to Win Some Avon

Our contest this month over at the Pink Jasper website features a chance to win a $20 gift certificate from Avon. Carolyn is also covering the cost of shipping/handling - so that's $20 worth of Avon and free shipping!

Easy to enter - simply send an email to pinkjasper@mac.com, with "Contest Entry" in the subject line.

Good luck! * o

How to Win Some Avon

Creative Journals and Things That Go Croak in the Night

Just hung up from Zura Ledbetter's Creative Journaling Jems tele-class. It was fabulous - chock full of journaling ideas and inspiration. I can't wait to try some out.

I'm also really pumped now about Zura's 3 month Fun Art Journaling e-course starting this Monday. I think it's going to be a lot of fun . Want to join me?

For the last three nights we have been eerily serenaded by what we think is a wood frog, camped out in our backyard. A little unusual for in town, but he must have been attracted to our little ponds. As soon as it gets dark he starts his low, almost sinister sounding croak that echoes throughout the backyard and keeps it up until dawn. Alas, he does not yet seem to have found a mate and will possibly soon move on to "greener ponds??"

It's supposed to get quite cold tonight, so froggy probably won't do much croaking. Too bad, I was hoping to record his call so I could find out if he is indeed a wood frog. * o

Creative Journals and Things That Go Croak in the Night

Haiku Tuesday

Tossed up into the air
like so many colored balls
~ juggling is my life. * o

Haiku Tuesday

Sunday Retreating

In desperate need of some down time, I spent this afternoon on a "mini-retreat" of sorts. I couldn't afford to go away somewhere, off into the woods or a house at the beach, so I held my retreat at home. I told the family I was going on retreat, and hung up a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the bedroom door. And then, I retreated.

It was great. I put some Meditation oil in the diffuser and a wonderful blend of sandalwood and cedarwood filled the room. Rachmaninov melodies permeated the air. I read, I prayed, I rested and journaled.


One of my exercises, taken from the Woman's Retreat Book, was to quietly meditate on where I was in my life right now, and then draw whatever symbols came to mind. In the sketch above, I'm a little stick figure on the curvy path leading to the mountains. Along the path I've written, "It feels like a path of long winding narrow curves and I still seem to have so far to go." The path divides the page in two - one one side my "duties and responsibilities" and on the other side "my dreams".

My entire retreat lasted a little over an hour but it was exactly what I needed. And so April ends and we turn the corner to May. I hope it brings some time to slow down and watch the flowers blooming, trees budding and the backyard awakening to spring.

I found this excellent online resource for journalers, worth browsing through - Journaling Life.com. * o

Sunday Retreating

April - The Good, The Bad and The Otherwise Indifferent

I'm in a funk. April has been a heck of a month, and while I realize there are still a couple of days of it left, I can't wait for it to be over.

Here's a summary of the highlights and lowlights of this month:

• Palm Sunday - dedication of the new church - great celebration
• John's birthday and celebrating it with our friends from Newfoundland
• Easter
• John's dad passing away - only 64 years old - way too young
• A succesful journal workshop
• This week a former co-worker's of John's passed away - only 48 years old - way, way too young
• TJ got an excellent mid-term report card
• I won a book (see previous post)

Work has been extremely busy. My massage therapist couldn't believe how knotted up I was yesterday - so much so, she's making me come back next week. Exhaustion is catching up on me a little, and I found myself last night reading Jennifer Louden's "The Woman's Retreat Book" (while lying in bed with the heating pad trying to recover from my somewhat sadistic massage) and wishing I could just run away by myself somewhere for a night or two. I dreamt of a day just spent reading, writing and creating - with no housework to do, no interruptions, no work. And definitely alone, because I'm not much company for anyone these days.

As always, when I dream these things a little nagging voice in the back of my head says "careful what you wish for"....but I don't think one afternoon of creative work, or one overnight get-away is too much.

So, I'm sending my men folk off smelt fishing tonight, and I declined to join them. Instead, I'm looking forward to curling up in bed, after a hot relaxing bath and digging into a good novel.

If I can just get through this weekend, it'll be May, and I'll be done with April. * o

April - The Good, The Bad and The Otherwise Indifferent

Some good news for my day

Check this out: "We have a winner"

Thanks Donna for a fun, and easy contest! Can't wait to read "Stealing Adda". * o

Some good news for my day

Betwixt and Between

Our Easter weekend had mostly been a time of enjoying the company of friends, good weather, good food and spiritual celebration and then took a blinding turn into never-land when my father-in-law passed away early Monday morning.

Before we could blink we found ourselves flying down to comfort and mourn with family, caught in that in between world of numbness and activity that makes up the passing of a loved one. We just got home tonight, and I feel like I still haven't caught up to where the week went and why.

Yesterday, at the funeral, I was especially struck by Father Quinlan's words - "we are all children of God and we are all broken. When we die, we are caught up in the awesome love of God and made whole again."

I like to think of my father-in-law, a child of God, made whole again - he deserves it after an often painful journey through this world.

And I like to think that no matter how many times this world might break me, there will come a time when God's awesome love will fix all that. * o

Betwixt and Between

Palm Sunday - New Beginnings

The sanctuary, before the dedication service this afternoon.

This is of course, the year of firsts for this church. First service, First Easter, etc. It was not the usual Palm Sunday fare but still a beautiful and moving service. A celebration of new beginnings. Despite nervous, shaking hands, I managed to light the altar candles without setting the Bishop or anyone else on fire.

I've never been a part of a "new" church building before. Most of the churches I've worshipped in throughout my life were already well established, older buildings by the time I was part of them. This morning I wrote that the new church doesn't quite seem like home, perhaps because we have not "lived" in it long enough. I wonder how long it will take to become so familiar that we don't notice it anymore? * o

Palm Sunday - New Beginnings

A year of Blogging

I've been blogging for a year now, this month.

In honor of this auspicious anniversary, I decided it was time for a "new" look! (Not me, the blog. I still look the same...). * o

A year of Blogging

Dancin' Dude and Paper Toys

Turn up your speakers and head over to David Bessler's site - make the pipe cleaner man dance just by moving your mouse! Have some fun!

Then, when you've had a little dance workout, visit The Toymaker, Marilyn Scott-Waters. Print out some of her paper toy designs, and treat your inner child to some play! This is a great site too if your fortunate enough to have a younger child around to play with you.

"A child's attitude toward everything is an artist's attitude" - Willa Cather * o

Dancin' Dude and Paper Toys

Creative Call - The Last Chapter

I just finished the last chapter in Creative Call. The last few weeks of working through the exercises in the book have taught me much about my creative self and I have learned to at least acknowledge it once in awhile! The twenty minutes of morning writing that I thought I would never do has become something I look forward to upon awakening and something I dearly miss when I don't get to it for a day or two.

The last chapter in the book discusses going on a retreat, taking time to highlight your daybook entries and come up with the three most important things you learned while working through the book. I'll have to write more on that later. Getting away for even a half day "retreat" is not going to be possible just yet, but I'm not going to let go of the idea entirely. * o

Creative Call - The Last Chapter

This Month at Pink Jasper

Here's your chance to win a free copy of "The Complete Writer's Journal", the featured giveaway this month at the Pink Jasper website.

The journal features quotes on writing and marketing from over 100 contributors (including yours truly), and will be available later this spring.

To enter the draw is easy, just send an email to pinkjasper@mac.com, and put "Contest Entry" in the subject line! * o

This Month at Pink Jasper

Artist Date - Tai Chi

sipping on chai tea
contemplating tai chi
master peng's voice echoes
hand connected to heart
open and closed
wave hands like clouds
cat like dance across the floor
just begin the journey
and remember to breathe
sipping on chai tea
on a cool April afternoon * o

Artist Date - Tai Chi